Post Thanksgiving Cleanse! WARNING! EXTREMELY GRAPHIC!
Proceed with caution! Page down 👇
Ok well, Thanksgiving has come and gone and for some of us it was a well deserved cheat day and for some of us it’s the beginning of a diet and some of you are just window shopping till after New Years!
First of all, if you are one of those after New Years people cut the bullshit and start your diet now!! Your first cheat day will be Christmas Day! Pig out and your next cheat day will be 3 weeks later. One day every 3 weeks.
If you wait till after New Years you may be 10, 20 or even 30+ lbs heavier!
Start now and minimize the damage or correct the damage that has already been done!
Ok well, your body can only absorb so much at one time and the rest is 💩 and has to come out! How much you cheat on a cheat day determines how bad you will pay on the toilet 🚽the next day!!! Remember, nothing is ever free you will always have to pay the piper!
Ok well, there are all kinds of cleanses. Most people say to use a gentle cleanse. That’s bullshit they don’t work!!
The best cleanse is an old school tried and true cleanse. This is an old school underground military cleanse! (Before a weigh-in lol)
Now, what does that say? It says Salt! And guess what? It tastes like salt! Nasty!!
Ok so, I used v8 splash and put in 4 tablespoons of Epsom salt. (Pictured above on left) to minimize the nasty pure salt taste and be able to choke it down!
Then I used my total body cleanse (lemon water) as a chaser! (Pictured above on the right) To get the Nasty taste of salt out of my mouth and to also pack in more water! See the review on the lemon water cleanse on this site!
Now, how does this cleanse work? Well, I’m not sure scientifically how it works, but what it does, is it forces water into your intestines. Now, if you drink a lot of water and I mean a lot; down like 1/3-1/2 of a gallon immediately after drinking both cups! In a few minutes, you will hear your body act like the Panama Canal! The water will travel in the intestine into different locks like the Canal. It will make all different tones of gurgling. And there is one tone you will get to know!! It’s the exit tone lmfao! You better be on the toilet when you hear that tone, because you won’t be able to hold it in!
Now, how can we test if this is the ultimate cleanse?
Corn!!! As you know, corn doesn’t break down in the body! This is what you do: Eat corn one week before you start your gentle cleanse and during that gentle cleanse see if you see any corn in your poop!
Then do the same with the Epsom salt! You will be astonished! Where the fuck did that corn come from! I haven’t had corn in a week!! (That was a true story! Lol)
Ok, so this is a pretty graphic post, so don’t hold it against me! I’m only here to help!
Now, keep in mind this is only a pre-diet and once in a blue moon, I haven’t had a cleanse in a couple months cleanse! Do not do this regularly! Do not do this for weight reduction aka (another form of bulimia if used often!)
**This is not to be used as an Oops I fucked up on my diet lets poop it out before my body absorbs it! Alternative!!** That leads to an eating disorder and bulimia! (Aka binge and purge)
This is a pre-diet and post cheat day cleanse!
**notice I only do a cheat day once every 3 weeks!**
But I only do this cleanse after a mega cheat day! Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter lol and before the start of a diet!
This cleans out everything impacted in your intestines and colon!
You may actually be quite a few pounds lighter after this! It depends on how regular you are and when your last cleanse was.
**Disclaimer** this is what I do and under no circumstances do I legally recommend or tell you to do this! Check with your doctor before starting any diets and cleanses. Be safe don’t hurt yourself!
If you are on a diet do not weigh yourself daily! That also leads to eating disorders! Weigh once a week the earliest and possibly even once a month!
You should however, take weekly measurements instead of weighing yourself!
Men measure: chest, arms: around bicep and forearm, waist, quads, calves
Women measure the same but add in hips!
Men can add in neck if they want.
These measurements will give you a more accurate account on your dietary progress!
If you weigh-in and the scale says 135 and you started at 132 and If everything goes up; and your waist and neck (men) and waist and hips (Women) go down then you are gaining muscle! Keep in mind, muscle weighs more that fat!
Be happy with the progress not sad that you gained 3 pounds!
Eventually, everything will correct itself and you will see progress! Trust in yourself and don’t get discouraged!
**Epsom salt specific cleanse tips**
1. If you drank the mixture! Beware of farts for the next few hours! Go to the toilet or you will be sorry!! And changing your draws!!
2. Make sure you don’t have to go anywhere for at least 6 hours!
3. The more water you drink the nastier and longer the effects! Remember, it forces water in the intestines and colon!
4. That includes any other liquid! Juices, soups, alcohol, coffee, tea etc..
5. Do not consume alcohol while doing this cleanse!! I’m serious!! Alcohol poisoning is surely to happen due to increased absorption of the intestines and colon! (I’m not a Doctor that’s just and educated guess)
6. After the effects have worn off remember to rehydrate because diarrhea just like vomiting causes dehydration!!
7. Remember to fully rehydrate before attempting any strenuous workouts! Dizziness, lightheaded, potential passing out may occur if not careful!
You are trying to return your body to an alkaline state and fat burning furnace, that utilizes its fuel properly and excretes its waste regularly. You are not trying to injure yourself and damage your potential! So be safe!
Basically, it boils down to this:
You have all these new gadgets!
Cars with electronic switches as an emergency brake instead of a handle or pedal
Just because you change it doesn’t mean it’s better!
Sometimes old school is better! I still like the old school high-beam step button (my classic car had one)
This cleanse works and it works great!
Trust in the old!!
PS for all you foo foo vegans and vegetarians: it’s vegan friendly lol 😝 and contains no gluten! 😝It’s also fat free and organic! 😝
**Update** November 30th 2013
The results of the cleanse are in!!
I started and 272.5 the day before Thanksgiving! I pigged out on Thanksgiving and had
The egg nog alone was 1,400 calories!
(Which is my daily total on the current diet) 😱
Well, did the cleanse above and today I weigh-in at 270.0! Exactly!
I told you this shit works! 😉 Now I am going to continue my diet and go tear up the gym today!
30min cardio (elliptical), bis & shoulders, 500 crunches and last 30min cardio (elliptical)